Join me for tea.

Home from con. It was a very long and very cold weekend, but I would count it as a resounding success. Friday was for window shopping, especially seeing as I could barely move my head in the ways I am used to without the beads of my mianguan slapping my eyeballs. I only brought the one cosplay with me this time, but it was a hit even among people who had no idea who I was. Similar to when I cosplay Hua Cheng, second place is reserved for enthusiastic people who know me, but first is somehow always older men and the Shonen Guys. One can immediately be elevated to bro status so long as you're shiny and aura farming (I recently learned this term and enjoy it very much lol). It happens with fascinating consistency. This is not a complaint and they're also always very kind and excited, it just makes me laugh a little.
We were joined by a (very beautiful) woman cosplaying Sukuna during a rest period that day, and at some point I expressed being anxious about paneling for the first time. She asked me if I was nervous that no one would show up, or that too many people would show up... I realized that I had no idea, hahaha. Both were somewhat unsettling in their own ways, but as with many things, I was worried over nothing and everything went really well. The presentation was a good length, and people seemed actually engaged and even came to me for questions and conversation afterwards. I don't think I am particularly funny, but it was a really gratifying feeling to make people laugh, too. We're applying to host a few other panels at another event in April; if someone reattends, I hope to hear that I was convincing enough for them to pick up a certain title... Weheheh.
Speaking of, there was a solitary Cezhou keychain being sold, which marked my very first time ever seeing them at a convention. Imagine my delight. Even more surprising was QQGK and C2P keychains, neither of which I have ever met anyone in person who has ever even read them, let alone made merch for them. It was very difficult being normal and restrained while purchasing, but I managed hahaha. I think there has to be someone out there I can talk to about these things one day.
In the end, it is always a little jarring returning to everyday life after a really eventful weekend, though. I knew that I was going to crash as soon as I got home, but I didn't expect for it to last two days... I feel like I've wasted a lot of time, but I guess it's not really my fault. A retry tomorrow, I suppose.
(Also, it's not at all that important, but I lost my 256 day reading streak along the way and I am actually rather bummed about it LOL. I know it's no big deal, really... but damn hahaha).

Returned from Spiritbox this past hour. It's a privilege to have been able to see them during both legs of the NA headliner tour, though a little bittersweet as it's not so clear when they'll be back after... All's fine though, it was a great time. I think recently, there is no better three-track run on an album than Fata Morgana, Black Rainbow, and Perfect Soul in a row, and hearing it live and feeling it in my chest was oddly grounding. I don't often feel much, and I am fascinated by the things that can draw out a proper emotional reaction from me.
Listening to Perfect Soul always gets a bit of a laugh out of me now though, seeing as it was the driving force for me to 1. Join a bang event, and 2. Somehow vomit out 70k words in six months. It's the primary connection I make in my head now, which I don't consider a bad thing. Naturally I have an attachment to that fic. Honestly, you'd think I'd be sick of hearing it given the amount of times I've played it since release or during writing, or the way it gets caught in my head as soon as I see A Gift to Summon the Spring in my inbox, but I think it's just as satisfying to me on the 1000th listen as the 1st.
Anyways, the drawbacks of listening to headbang-worthy music all the time is that my neck aches very badly now... Early bedtime is in my future.

I woke up with a fever. A common after effect, but… really, really troublesome, made worse by the fact that it is difficult to move. It’s a little comical that something meant to improve my health triggers something so painful, but it can’t be helped. I am incredibly bored, though. I have no issue with being idle, but I do tend to enjoy having something to do more often than not. I did get to do a few sprints today during a lull in the fever, so that did ease some of the boredom, and a bit of the loneliness.
For now, all I can really do is rest and push through the insomnia.
Here’s to a better birthday next year, wahaha.

Despite a slow start and some lingering aches, the day went fairly well. Most of my days are spent in that somewhat detached haze, but my treatment starts soon and I hold a tentative hope for improvement. The drive... is a bit of a pain, though there is no changing that.
I am, however, still faced with a broad array of half-baked projects that I continue to kick myself for having put off until the last minute, but what's done is done. Or rather, not done... Regardless, I can't go back in time and force myself to make better decisions, so continuing on is all I'll do, and hope that the products of my rushing aren't too disappointing.
In a similar vein: my fic for All Ships. Quite the learning experience. How did I struggle more with a 2k prompt fill than that 70k monster two months back? A new fandom and a new form... I still don't know if I handled it well. I laughed when my friend excitedly replied "Baby's first general fic!", but it's true. I prefer established and dramatic plots, 20k wordcounts, and, admittedly, a solid E rating as a quiet pervert. I have been out of my element for the better part of 2025, but I count this as a good thing. At the very least, this year has brought out the adventurous part of me. How novel.